Hello...and Good Bye

Eleven months ago, my job vanished. I didn't get fired. My responsibilities as I knew them just...didn't exist anymore. At least not in this part of the world. There had been no proper planning of what I would do next, or where I might be going with my career and development. No indication ahead of time, either. "They" (I still don't know who exactly) didn't even consult my former or new managers. It was as if they didn't realize I even existed before, and only made a last-minute effort to shove me in somewhere, whether I or the position fit or not.

My day-to-day life was turned completely upside down. No official responsibilities at work or a team with whom to work towards a common goal. My house was in the process of massive demolition and reconstruction that continues still. It was like a bomb had gone off and I was walking through the aftermath, confused and disheveled (physically and mentally, to be honest). And it hurt. These kind of changes are hard. They help you to grow, in the long run, but that growth is a painful process. I did not manage it well.

Let's not talk about the resignation letters I didn't turn in (three of them). The ridiculous conversations with leaders and HR (eyeroll). The lack of empathy from many, and true action from those who did care. The drinking. Let's not talk about the deep, dark, pit of burnout while I tried to salvage an opportunity that never was going to be anyway.

"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." -Brigitte Nicole

There aren't many times in life that I've loved what I do, which made it all the more difficult to let go of the thrill and excitement of finally experiencing that. In the midst of the post-bomb chaos, that "opportunity" that didn't work out? It would lead to a new one. I haven't found it yet, but I'm going to. I'm learning. I'm changing. I'm building resilience. The rejections I've suffered have catalyzed what is already one of the greatest periods of learning and growth that I have ever experienced. What I loved to do in the past does not reflect what I will love to do in the future. It doesn't even have to be about the future.

Goodbye past. Goodbye all the things I thought I knew. Goodbye indecision, procrastination, and all of the "maybe tomorrow"s. I'm here for NOW. You're here with me...for now. Let's spend time together today. Let's learn today.

Out of the darkness, I step into the light of THIS new day.